


a broken bird

by Broken_arrow32



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Comics, Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Teen Titans - Freeform, Trans Dick Grayson, Trans Male Character, Transgender, dick Grayson is trans, dont read if easily triggered, dont worry this hurt me too, teen titans 2003, teen titans cartoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:07:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broken_arrow32/pseuds/Broken_arrow32
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING! extreme graphic depictions of attempted suicide and Self Harm! please don't read if easily triggered!------Slade is hell-bent on breaking the seemingly untouchable boy wonder. what he isn't prepared for is how far it goes and how much it costs the very breakable Dick Grayson underneath the invincibbility-implying mask.
Relationships: Former Wally West/Dick Grayson, Slade wilson and Dick Grayson - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	a broken bird

**Author's Note:**

> there are heavy dipictions of a suicide attempt and self harm, so please please please either don't read, or at least know you're reading this at your own risk.  
> \--  
> note this takes place during the apprentice episodes in season one of Teen Titans.

Robin's footsteps were heavy as he stormed into the old haunt Slade used as his hideout. He was shaking, completely furious. No, livid. He was down right pissed off. He’d been forced to attack and hurt his friends. He’d been tortured into using that thermal blaster on Starfire and he was enraged about it. And his fury was only fueled as he heard the older man's voice.

”ah, seems my apprentice only needed a little motivation,” Slade murmured.

”MOTIVATE THIS YOU BASTARD!” Robin shrieked as he aimed a punch toward Slade’s mask. Slade dodged with ease, grabbing hold of Robins extended limb, twisting him around, pulling him close. Robin’s arm was now above his head, stretched as far as it could go. But Slade decided he wanted to pull Robin’s elbow closer still to his opposite shoulder. So he did, swiftly and without warning. Robin let out an agonizing scream as he felt his shoulder dislocate.

”oh, hush now, pretty bird. You did this to yourself,” Slade said in his calm, icy cool voice. As Robin writhed in pain, trying to get free, slade let out a soft sigh, releasing the teenager. Robin instantly spun around defendantly.

”I didn't do jack shit you abusive, manipulative, blackmailing asshole!” Robin snapped, throwing a kick at slade. He blocked it and caught Robin’s foot without a flinch, yanking it to the side, causing the hero to lurch forward. Slade took hold of Robin’s shoulder and brought his knee straight to the poor bird's gut. Hard. Robin was about to drop and hit the floor when slade tightened his grip, spun the vigilante around and shoved him to the ground. He grabbed hold of the vigilantes injured arm and pinned it behind his back, using his other hand to force Robin’s face into the ground. And Robin just lay there. Why? He can’t breathe. His chest was tight and his binder was suffocating him. God he should’ve never worn it. He should have ditched it with his robin uniform. And Slade knew it. As punishment for his disobedience he took away Robin’s ability to breathe. Robin was trying so hard to get any air into his lungs, he thrashed and thrashed to get out of Slade’s grip but no matter how hard he tried…

”oh, kitten, don’t fight. This is on you…” Slade whispered into the poor vigilante's ear. Kitten. Robin truly couldn’t explain how much he despised that nickname. Slade had started using it as a reference to Robin’s almost inhuman flexibility and cat-like personality. Using it to attempt to belittle robin and his masculinity. And he absolutely hated it.

”get t-the fuck- off of me!” Robin choked.

”now, Robin. That is no way to talk to your _master_ , now is it? Everything would be so much easier if you just allowed yourself to slip into submission.” Slade stated. Screw that. Robin was anything but submissive when being injured. Robin couldn’t really focus on what he was saying though. Not that he cared too given how the room spun around him, his head was splitting, and he _couldn’t get air into his lungs._

”s-slade….” Robin tried but it was getting so hard to speak.

”Slade-please,” he did his best to choke out a beg. Not to be submissive like the older man wanted, and not to be polite. but Because he needed to _fucking breathe before he passed out._

”what is it? Having trouble breathing, kitten?” Slade mused. Robin would growl if he could. But he gave as best a nod he could, hoping Slade would release him so he could free his chest.

”submission would be so much easier for you, dear child. I can reach out and break you however and whenever i want. Whether it’s through the Titans, or your redheaded ex, kid flash, matters not to me.” Slade informed. Robin froze like ice. Oh god. Wally.

”oh, dear, he does know.” Slade teased. Robin choked out another attempt to take in air.

”p-please..” he breathed, barely audible.

”oh, you poor thing.” to Robin’s relief, he did as the teenager had hoped. Or so the bird thought. Slade merely flipped him over, moving to undo the boys shirt. Robin thrashed frantically, until Slade seized him by the throat.

”sit still and relax.” the older hissed. He undid Robin’s top about half way and dug out a knife. Robin froze and panic settled heavily in his chest and gut. He shut his eyes as the knife drew closer. But he never felt it slice his skin. Only heard the sound of something being torn and felt the relief of air flowing into him as he gasped. In confusion and a fit of coughing, he opened his eyes, glancing down. Slade had merely cut his binder loose, freeing up his airways. He almost wanted to thank the man. Almost. But he’d never give him that satisfaction. Slade grabbed Robin’s jaw, forcing him to look the older in the eye after doing the boys shirt back up. At least he was decent enough to do that, respecting the privacy of the boy's body.

”I'll trust you learned a lesson with binding now, dear boy.” Slade said cooly. The chill in his voice sent shivers down Robin's spine.

”But, we need to fix this.” Slade said, standing, pulling Robin up with him. He slowly dragged his hand over Robin’s injured shoulder, moving till he was behind him. Slade then gently raised Robin’s arm slightly, earning a wince from the younger boy, and had his other hand on Robin's shoulder blade.

”breathe.” Slade commanded, and in one swift movement, he reset the bones in Robin’s shoulder.

”f-fUCK!” Robin cursed as it felt like a knife was driven into his shoulder.

”you couldn’t have given me some sort of warning, you asshole?!” Robin gritted through his teeth, still working on trying to regain his breath. Slade simply tisked at him, taking hold of the younger’s jaw.

” ‘breathe’ _was_ your warning. But that reminds me, I did not appreciate neither your tone, nor the words you spoke in said tone this evening.” Slade said, adjusting his grip on the boy's jaw.

”therefore you’ve lost your privilege to speak for the rest of the night.” Slade said. Robin opened his mouth to speak but nearly screamed instead as a sickening crack echoed throughout the room and his head dropped while his knees buckled, his hand grasping his jaw instead of his chest as he sunk to the floor. Slade broke his jaw and the pain roared through Robin's face like fire. Slade knelt down, moved the younger's hand and gripped his chin, tilting the teenagers head up to face him. Robin couldn’t stop shaking, his arm stung and his face and lungs were on fire.

”oh, kitten, i know. I know it hurts. As a reward for your good behaviour last evening, you’ve earned yourself a free evening tonight to recover.” Slade cooed. The gentleness in his voice made Robin’s blood run cold. It made him sound like some sort of sick, twisted version of batman. The very thought made the boy’s stomach turn.

”now,” Slade spoke, delicately pulling off the domino mask, despite the pure protest in Robin’s prickling eyes, changing him instantaneously from Robin to Dick Grayson,

”be a good boy and go to your room, get some rest.” It didn’t matter how gentle and kindly Slade had said it. Dick knew it was an order. That Slade was telling, not suggesting. As soon as Slade stood up, the poor boy hung his head, his hand lightly holding his jaw. He couldn’t help the silent, agonizing tears of pure pain that slid down his exposed face as soon as Slade was out of sight. For at least a minute, all he could do was sit there, processing the evening. But eventually he wiped his tears, stood up and headed to his designated room, crossing his arms over his chest.

as soon as he got into his room he closed and locked the door. He took off his shirt and removed the remains of his binder.

”there goes one of my last two remaining comforts…” Dick muttered hoarsely, setting the ruined item aside. He walked up to the sink, placing his hands on the edge and leaning on them, staring at himself, his upper body completely exposed aside from the black sports bra he always wore under his binder in the events he needed to cut it off. He ran the sink, lightly splashed his face with water, and turned it off again.

”I need to wake the fuck up…” he sighed, his voice strained.

The boy he saw in the mirror tonight wasn’t the same teenager he saw the last time he’d looked in the mirror in Titans tower a few weeks ago. He usually did his best to ignore this mirror, sparing himself the sight of the mess he’d become. He gripped the sink hard enough to turn his knuckles white as he stared furiously in the mirror for the first time. Then something caught his eye right next to the sink. It was a handle. No. not _a_ handle. _The_ handle. Of a knife. Why it was there and how it ended up in his room Dick had no idea. That didn’t stop him from grabbing it, though. He gripped it tight and held it to his throat, gaze not leaving his reflection. Twice, Dick had jolted his hand to drag the cold blade across his neck, but he couldn’t. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. And then the realization hit him. Like a bus. Slade had finally broken him. He threatened his friends, his health, hell he’d even threatened Wally. Dick’s _ex_. Just how desperate was Slade to see Robin hurt. See him writing in agony as his life was torn to pieces.

He let out a choked sob as he yanked the blade away from his neck and across his left wrist instead. He froze as it slightly settled in what he’d just done. Then he did it again. And again. And kept doing it until there wasn’t anywhere left for him to cut on the inside of his forearm. And then it really clicked in. and fear and realization settled cold as pure titanium in his stomach. Then the tears started to flow and wouldn’t stop, even as he punched the mirror, shattering it.

”f-uck” Dick sobbed as he sunk to the floor, leaning his head on the sink, ignorning the broken shards. And he layed there sobbing because _what the fuck had he just done_.

”three fUCKING YEARS CLEAN!” Dick screamed as he kicked the wall in front of him, ignoring the way his jaw flared in protest.

”three years and now this bastard comes and reduces me to this?!” He sobbed. The last time he’d cut was after the mental training simulation with the justice league private opps team, comprising of him, Artemis, Wally, Miss Martian, Superboy and aqualad. And Wally helped him. Helped him to heal, to get better. And Dick thought he had gotten better, but now here he was.

”i was doing so well and now he comes in and tears apart everything I fought and worked so hard for…” Dick whimpered. He quickly rubbed his face to make way for new tears as he grabbed the small medical bag that sat at the bottom of the sink. He grabbed a towel and clodded the blood best he could, pressing his arm to his chest as he fished out disinfectant and a suture and thread.

A short time later he’d finished stitching himself up and wrapped up his arm in bandages. He lent against the wall, staring at the damage he’d done.

”Wally would be so disappointed in me...after three years i thought i’d be ok,” Dick mumbled tightly, his voice hoarse as he tried to move his jaw as little as possible. Then his eyes drifted down subconsciously and he realized that he was still shirtless. So he dragged his body up in spite of how it advised him to stay put, and stumbled over to his bed, begrudgingly tugging the top half of his uniform back on.

After he succeeded in that task, he sat down off his bed, snatching his phone off the nightstand. He was only allowed to have it because Slade had hacked and cut off his celular data plan and made sure he had no access to wifi. But he still found comfort in the device. He opened it and started scrolling through his photos. He found a strange comfort in looking at the old pictures of him and Wally together. And then he came across something he’d posted on his private snapchat story. It was a mini... announcement? or celebration?- Dick couldn’t find the right words- he’d posted a year ago on the day he’d been officially two years clean from self harm. he’d mentioned Wally in it, thanking the speedster for his endless support and help to get him where he was that day, and that he wouldn’t be there without him. Dick shut the phone off as a tear fell on the screen, letting his hand fall into his lap.

”God, I'm so sorry, Wally. I-i never should’ve left gotham- left you, th-this.. This's all…” Dick froze and paled as a realization hit him.

”this is all because of me. If I had never run away this never would’ve happened a-and this is all my fault...” he sobbed, burying his face in his hands. And he sat there. And sobbed and sobbed until he physically couldn’t cry anymore. Moments later he passed out, his face wet and tear-stained.

Dick woke up the next morning feeling anything but refreshed. His body ached and his arm stung, a painful reminder of his regretful actions the previous night. Eventually he got up and washed his face, splashing cold water onto it and rinsing the blood out of the sink, having forgotten to do so the previous night. He dried his face with the clean parts of the bloodstained towel the best he could, and left his room, doing the best he could to push his self consciousness from the lack of a binder aside.

Slade smirked softly underneath his mask as he heard the soft footsteps approaching.

”Ahh, morning kitten, I see you’ve remembered the rule on no masks around me. Good.” Slade said in his all to calm voice as he walked to meet the younger boy who had his arms folded over his chest. Within seconds he was directly in front of the boy, cupping his cheek.

”how does your jaw feel this morning? And don’t lie to me, you know what that gets you.”

Dick took a deep breath before responding.

”stings a little…” Dick bit his lip lightly, turning away as he answered.

”and your shoulder?” Slade questioned.

”sore,” Dick murmured shortly. Slade paused for a moment before asking his next question.

”and what of your arm?” Slade’s voice went dark, cold, as he spoke. A mixed look of shock and fear painted Robin’s face as he backed away, arms dropping to his side.

”i-i don't.. I don’t know what you're talking about…” Dick stammered. A lie. A terrible one. And Slade was about to give him one more reason to regret his decisions last night.

”I think you do, kitten,” Slade said in the same cold tone as he gripped Dick’s left arm tightly. Too tight. Dick could feel his stitches getting pulled as his knees buckled and he sunk lower, gripping his arm, all the while Slade increased his grip as tears pricked the corners of the sixteen-year-old’s eyes. Eventually he let go and Dick sighed an exhale of relief. Until Slade seized him by the jaw and yanked him forward, causing the younger's hands to latch instinctively onto his wrist. Slade lifted him up until the tips of his shoes were barely touching the ground.

”I thought I told you not to lie. I know that you hurt yourself last night. And I know for a fact that before you dragged that knife across your wrist you held it to your throat.” Slade said, coldly, but calmly. That was when Dick couldn’t take it anymore and he muttered something Slade couldn’t quite catch.

”what was that, kitten?”

I”M SORRY!” Dick snapped, wanting nothing more than for this to be over, for the pain to end. Slade let him go and he dropped to his knees, using his hands for support, no matter how much it strained his shoulder and arm.

”i’m sorry i lied! I’m sorry that your life is so fucked up that you had to go and tear mine apart! I”M SORRY I THOUGHT ABOUT ENDING IT ALL LAST NIGHT! ABOUT JUST WANTING THE PAIN TO GO AWAY! TO STOP FEELING LIKE SUCH A MAJOR FUCK UP!” Dick shouted, the tears very prominent in his eyes. He shook violently before he continued.

”i was three years clean of any self harm, and then you came and fucked with my head and took that away from me…! I was doing so damn well.. I was actually happy.. And then you came and tore my life apart!” Dick didn’t want to be crying in front of this man. He wanted anything but that. But once he spoke that final sentence he couldn’t stop the tears that fell. And Slade? He just stood there in silence. Because he’d finally broken the infamous boy wonder. But at what cost? Did he mean to push the kid so far? At this point neither of them knew. What Slade did know though, was that he hadn’t realized just how much he’d been taking from the boy wonder till now. Because now the boy wonder wasn’t just broken. He was shattered.


End file.
